What if Noah Tried to Build the Ark
Today?
…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
“In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole
earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the
righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I
am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a flash of lightning God delivered the specifications for
an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.
Remember,” said the Lord: “You must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year.”
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the
earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah
was sitting in his front yard weeping.
“Noah,” he shouted…“Where is the Ark?”
“Lord, please forgive me,” cried Noah. “I did my best, but
there were big problems: First, I had to get a permit for construction, and
your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm
to redraw the plans”.
“Then I got into a fight with the Fire Marshall and OSHA
over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation
devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the local
planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl…but, I
finally convinced the U. S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to
save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any
owls, so, no owls.”
“Then the carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I
had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but
still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights
group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard mumbling
something about “Obama and fairness”".
“Just when I finally got the suit dismissed, the EPA
notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental
impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the
idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new
flood plain. So I sent them a globe”.
“Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with
the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination
by not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard. The IRS has seized my assets,
claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country and not
pay taxes. I then got a notice from a state revenue agent that I owe them some
kind of user tax because I failed to register the Ark as a “recreational water
craft.” And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth,
it’s a religious event, and, therefore, “unconstitutional”. I really don’t
think I can finish the Ark for at least…another five or six years.”
Noah then waited for a response from the Lord…
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
“You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”
“No,” He said sadly.”
“I don’t have to. The government already has.”
Blaise Ingoglia, Founder
Government Gone Wild!
